A Cowardly New World
by Arnaud Chevalier Jarreau
Summary: My friends and I have decided to attempt to live together peacably on our new server, so please join us as we battle monsters, each other, and compulsive digging! Please review and tell me what I can improve on!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hello all! Chernobylvictim302 here! I have decided to document my friends and me awkwardly dominating our Minecraftian land. I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is already owned by Mojang, Steam, Valve, or anyone else whose products I mention. All names have not been changed to protect the innocent.**

"Guys?" I spoke timidly into the microphone. "You there?"

"We're here, don't worry." My friend John said.

"Let's get this show on the road!" Shouted Michael.

"Okay." I said, launching the server.

_Building terrain… Simulating world for a bit…_

_Oof!_ My avatar grunted, falling a full four meters out of a tree. "Darn," I said. "Already down half a heart."

"How?" Michael said into his head set.

"Fell out of a tree." I explained. "John," I called. "Get some wood. _No._ Not like that." I said, having heard his poorly-disguised chuckle. "As in the _trees _you pervert!"

"Sorry man, it's in my nature" He said as he walked away, still chuckling. "Hey, look at me! I'm beating some wood!"

I sighed. _This_ is what I have to deal with every time I ask him to do something. Pervy wise-cracking. "Michael, you start making tools with the wood John gets." Another snort from John's microphone. "_John!_" I yelled. "C'mon, man! As for me," I said, pulling out a stone pickaxe from the bonus chest. "I'll mine."

I walked over to an exposed vein of coal in the side of a hill that jutted out of the forest we were in, happy with the industriousness of the silent world. I mining the sooty ore when an idea occurred to me. "Hey guys!" I called, shattering the silence.

"Yeah?" They both asked in unison.

"How would you feel about an underground house?"

"Hells yeah!" John yelled. "We could have electric lighting, and a generator room, and an iron blast-door, and a-"

"Slow down, man!" I interjected. "It was just an idea. What do you think, Michael?"

"Well," he said slowly, rolling the word around his mouth like Listerine. "It _would_ stop the animals from trampling my crops. So yeah, I guess."

"Great." I said, finalizing the plan. "I'll start mining!" I started burrowing deeper into the mountain side, my Minecraftian instincts taking over, helping me to find a not-so-astonishing amount of thirteen extra coal and seven iron ore. I just dug. And dug. And dug. And dug and dug andduganduganddugand- "Finished!" I shouted.

"Great!" Michael said. "We've only been sitting out here for two days!"

"What? But I just started digging-"

"Forty-five minutes ago." He said grumpily. "On the bright side, we have thirty-seven stacks of logs!"

"Sweet mother of mercy!" I yelled. "I had no idea I got so carried away! Well, come in and see." I finished, gesturing to the crude aperture in the side of the hill.

We all walked into the base, and after a few microseconds I heard gasps of surprise come from my friends. I had hollowed out the entire hill, with the floor flush with the ground outside. I had even filled the holes in the floor in with dirt to make it look natural, although I intended to refill it with stone later.

"Pretty sweet, huh?" I asked, standing proudly and admiring my own handiwork. "And the best part is, I found a cave…"

**Author's Note Two: So, how did you guys like it? Please review and tell me what I could do better on, what we should do, or just leave comments in general! Until next time, this is Chernobylvictim302, signing out.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:Hi guys! I wanted to apologize about the ridiculously long break I took, it's just that... Well... I was...**

**Michael: Reading too many Portal fanfictions?**

**Me: Yes, wait what?**

**Michael: I'm what happens when you read too much Portal! You develop your very own Caroline!**

**Me: Oh lord... Well, with MUCH further ado, I present to you chapter two!**

**Warning: Some content has been edited for various reasons I am much too tired to list right now.**

"A cave?" John exclaimed. "Where is it?"

"Over there." I said, punching the air in the general direction of the cave's entrance.

"Awesome!" John replied, dashing into the pitch-black cavern. Moments later we heard the notorious _Fitch-boom _of a creeper followed by the simple message _John blew up._

"You dolt." Michael remarked. "Why did you do that?"

"Umm... I... Uh..." John said, his brain obviously having been fried trying to think up a witty comeback.

"Just as I thought." Michael replied, moving across the room to the cave; torches in hand. He strolled through the chasm's entrance himself, placing torches periodically to alleviate the oppressive darkness. Several seconds went by before the notice _Michael was slain by a zombie _appeared in the corner of my vision.

Several seconds passed after the message appeared before John gave forth a small, polite cough which nearly sent Michael over the edge.

"I AM A FARMER, NOT A FIGHTER. OKAY JOHN?" Michael practically screamed into the headset, forcing me to lower the chat volume to practically nill to avoid serious eardrum damage.

"Calm down Michael," I said, attempting to placate him. " I'll go get your stuff." And with that I organized my hotbar into my preferred cave-diving format and set off into the cave.

Not five seconds after entering the place I came across a deep crater which I presumed was the result of John's "accident". Sighing, I continued on, following the tral of torches to its conclusion. "But where did the zo-" _Oof!_I was interrupted by a particularly heavy hit on the shoulder, causing me to jump back several meters. I spotted the offending monster and pulled out the crudely-shaped stone sword John had handed me earlier, quickly testing the cutting edge with my finger. The zombie proceeded to walk towards me, the horrible gurgling noise they make- surprisingly similar to the voice of Donald Duck, now that think about it- issuing from its mouth.

I charged at the reanimated corpse, but did no more damage than simply cutting a piece of entrail off. Unfazed; the zombie attempted to take a chunk out of my arm, but I was able to slap its face out of the way with flat of my sword, producing a sickening _crunch. _Following through with the swing, I pirouetted as gracefully as a guy with no acrobatic skill whatsoever can, and used the momentum from it to slice through the undead's decomposing neck, somehow killing it more permanently than its previous demise.

Looking through my inventory, I realised I had managed to pick up Michael's possessions during the fight. "Well," I spoke into the microphone. "I got your stuff."

A grateful sigh came from Michael's headset, showing his concern. "Thank God," He said. "I was worried it would despawn, it would have been a shame to lose all of that wood."

"Agreed." I said. "So... What do we do now?" I asked, though all of us stayed silent, completely at a loss for stuff to do.

**Author's Note Two: That's where you guys come in! John, Michael and I are kind of aimless, and we need you guidance desperately! Please tell us what we should do!**

**Michael: Because begging always works...**

**Me: Shut up! Also, please leave a review, a flame, a review, a troll, a review, or maybe even subscribe!**

**Michael: Bye!**

**Me: Quiet, you. (Tip of the hat to Flu.)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Hello, all! After a week of Boyscout camp, I return to give you another chapter!**

**Michael: You should have seen him, he got in trouble for writing during Camping merit badge.**

**Me: So? It was well worth it. In addition, I received a rather nasty sunburn, giving me a good excuse to stay inside in front of a computer! Ow, pain.**

**Michael: You shouldn't lean back in your chair like that.**

**Me: Quiet, you. Also, LexiLopezi, I want to thank you for the ideas, but they're a little outside our resource limitations currently. But the minute we build a portal, you'll be in luck! And so, I pre-**

**Michael: Sent to you chapter two!**

**Me: Hey, you stole my line!**

**** "Well guys," I told everyone over the headset. "Looks like we're gonna have to think up our own ideas."

"But it's summer!" John complained. "I don't wanna think! Oh wow, I just sounded lik a ten year old, I apologize."

"Well, do you guys have any ideas?" I asked, looking from one to the other.

"Well," Michael replied slowly. "Do you guys like Hobbits?"

"What?" John and I spoke simultaneously.

"Do you like Hobbits? It's a simple question, really." Michael quipped, obviously irked we hadn't 'caught the drift'.

John and I both nodded an affirmative, to which Michael said "Great!" and began clattering through his inventory.

After a brief interrogation, John and I got the gist of what Michael had planned, we were to make a house straight out of the Shire, a home worthy of a Hobbit.

Construction began immediately, with John doing all the crafting, Michael directing, and me the builder, given my eye for architecture. The first order of business was, of course, the door. I sealed off the most of it, then made a two by two central diameter Pseudo-circle of oak logs, then placed a double door in the middle of the frame.

Following that, work began on the interior. We decided to have tunnels, even though we would have to leave the rest of the room open. We extended the general shape of the door into a four-by-four hallway, with stairs lining each edge as a trim. Whenever the trim would reach an intersection, a block would be place so as to smooth the look of the hallway. Nine rooms were decided upon, most of them for the sake of realism. An office, a pantry, kitchen, dining room, three bedrooms and a bathroom. The office would serve as the hub for crafting, smelting and enchanting, while the pantry was really a basement used for storage.

Unable to flesh out many of the rooms with our current resources, we decided to attempt to decorate our currently spartan rooms. Having a sudden spark of ingenuity, I siezed my sword and walked outside.

"Where are you going?" Queried Michael.

"Hunting." I replied in turn, leaving little room for questioning. Fortunately, Notch answered my silent prayer and sent me roughly twenty of the things I seeked: sheep. I slaughtered them all, counting my reward of eighteen wool, two of the beasts had refused to yield their fur. I returned to my room and made two beds and a painting. I placed the two beds on the left of the door, with a chest on one side and a crafting table on the other. I place another double-wide chest on the floor at the foot of my bed and the painting on the wall opposite that.

The painting itself yielded a warm-colored picture of a mountain range, causing me to step back and admire my handiwork, what was even more impressive was that I had made the picture with no fingers and no paint, let alone artistic skill. I settled down in the bed, my quiet piece of heaven only interrupted by the sound of snores coming through my headset. I chuckled and said. "Goodnight guys."

They interrupted themselves from their simulated sleep and said together. "G'night."

**Me: Aaaand that's it! I rwas really tired when I wrote this, so please point out any mistakes I made so that I might fix them! As always, please review and tell me what you think.**

**Michael: *Yawn* Shut up and go to bed!**

**Me: Sorry guys, he gets testy when I don't go to sleep. Good night, everyone!**


End file.
